How can you love silence when it screams at you?
How can you crave it when it is all that’s around you.
Everything on the inside is a constant blur;
rotating thought afterthought.
How can you want something so desperately,
yet wanting to hide among the shadows.
Seeping into the darkness quietly, hoping to find some semblance of peace.
Memories trickle through every pore in my skin, to the fibre in my bones,
causing my muscles to ache.
My heart yearning for much more than my mind can comprehend.
Only to find out you crept into my soul.
This lingering intensity of emotions that drown my thoughts.
I love hard, and I hurt harder.
Emotions wanting to burst in a show of fireworks, causing the wind to whistle and crack.
Creating waves in my body of electricity that jolts my senses.
Darkness’ seductress endeavours to entrap my shadow, causing me to fade slowly.
Holding onto the light, it fades each passing year.
The child in me wonders if the future holds a cold heart and loneliness,
or a strength somehow found through knowledge of self.
Afraid of the constant struggle of being who they want me to be.
My mouth sewn shut by societies rules.
I must not speak my mind.
I must not have an opinion.
I am not smart.
I am not beautiful.
I am not who society paints me to be.
I am among the black sheep. Those wandering with lost spirits.
Unable to attain a sense of self.
Hidden in their own pain.
Afraid to truly love, for when it happens, it becomes unstoppable.
A collision of chemistry created between two spirits.
Even if it is not reciprocated, a love for another soul quenches the souls’ thirst;
offering light back in for just a moment.
Where thoughts can unwind, and time stops.
The ability to breathe leaving one gasping for air.
The excitement of a first touch, to hear the electricity in his voice
as it crackles through the phone on a cold damp day.
The breath from his lips, to the stubble on his chin,
Loving a person like this is dangerous for the lonely.
So one stays closed and reserved.
Fear keeping the light out.
If only my thoughts would unwind,
instead of causing chaos in my mind and heart.
Shattering my spirit, sabotaging any chance to be truly happy.
Faltering at the thought of never having, yet afraid at the prospect of a person who truly and irrevocably cares.
Allowing for the opportunity to have anyone, especially those who treat me unkind.
It’s a feeling of comfort to a degree as that is how one feels.
The prospect of being something great is losing momentum,
my spirit lacking direction wanting to crash into the nether.
Imprisoned by my darkness and that of others throwing their own onto me.
I allowed it.
I allow it.