poem; What About Me

I am broken, but honestly you seem okay. 
As long as YOU'RE the one who reaches safety,
Fuck me and my stupid emotions, depression
Is not something I should have and instead
You want me to suck it up and hold you while you cry. 

But what about me?
I've got so many people who 
Expect me to end up successful and okay 
And now I'm breaking but no one is there
To pick up the pieces. 

Because it's too much for them
Even when I was there for them,
He sits on his couch and ignores me
Even though I helped him for days and days
If I want to die, who catches my life in their hands?

No one. 
Because I am alone, and always have been. 
No one tells me that they think
I'll be just fine
And offers a hug. 

Instead they say that
I need to stop because my depression 
And suicidal tendencies freak them
Out and if I want to die,
Just fucking do it already.

1 thought on “poem; What About Me”

  1. I feel I want to reply to this, but I also realize it could be one of your fictional writings cause I’ve been fooled by that before. Not by you intentionally, but nevertheless, yknow?

    But just in case…

    Suicide doesn’t freak me out. Death is not evil. But still, you have a whole eternity to be dead. You have a small time to be an infinite number of things right now. Why go to a possible eternity of nothingness forever when you got a world of only possibilities to play with right now?

    The depression means there are episodes of emotional states that cloud your judgment that are beyond your control. So you shouldn’t judge or make decisions when in those states.

    But when not in those states, be honest with how things affect you, particularly chronically. Anything that’s built on vicious circles shouldn’t be something you should be a part of, specially in all manner of relationships.

    Most relationships start off strong, then get weak over time because they weren’t cared for properly. If there are issues early on that are of big chronic bother, then they can only grow over time.

    What I’m saying is that if there are things bothering you repeatedly about a relationship and it happens when you’re clear headed, it’s only going to get worse as time goes on unless something changes

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