New and part of my head here

You all probably get this often from this site but,  Hello.  I’m new here.  I used to blog a few years ago and then sort of just drifted away from it. I came to realise,  that blogging is my outlet for my neverending universe of thoughts and internal feelings. 

 I bottle things up in real life until I burst.  Me myself just saying that reminds me of a song by Incubus,  “Pardon me while I burst”.  

I got a mouth full of blood clots and razor blades when I get upset really.  I usually hate opening up to someone unless I trust them, then it’s glaciers of sparkling water for the one that asks when genuinely wanting to know what’s wrong. I feel like someone that can “handle” me usually doesn’t take me speaking out of line personally or too seriously.  I’m selfish.  So I personally prefer a personally selfish soul with claws for ears to LISTEN.  Being selfish isn’t all that bad or dark in some conditions. In certain cases,  it’s it needed and necessary. 

ANYWAYS. As you can see,  I can ramble. I can ramble on for a decade flat. I just….  I’m a sucker for someone who can just listen to my ramblings and just have things to say back.  I love conversation,  I love being on the same page. Having that connection is almost like reading a book a book you’ve read before and remember enjoying… It’s like home. 

I’m a mother of twins.  One boy,  One girl.  They’re about seven months old.  I’m a stay at home mom so days get overwhelming sometimes. I’m twenty years old.  My life went flip flop almost a year ago. I went from a careless,  drug addicted, company serving, party girl, into a mom and a wife.  You’re  probably thinking I’m a ­nightmare.

A tad yeah. I’m either doing great. You know,  the birds are chirping and the suns out and everything is so giddy and dandy my friend. Other days,  I’m way far out on my own shipwreck with the world tilted on its side therefore it’s THE END OF THE WORLD!

I’m all about emotion and expression, yet I love my isolation. Honestly,  on a horrible day,  being alone just cuts the cake. I like to just sit in peace with some music and just think.  Everyone I’ve ever gotten close to always has looked at me sideways like some lost alien when in a tense setting that I created by just sitting there in my own hell, you know…  It’s all in my head,  no words just yet,  my eyes and body speak for me,  and no one just understands when I say “I think I need to be alone. “

I’m not crying for help.  I just need to really go so I go on a blab track of offense or hurtfulness towards the other person. Am I being complicated? If so,  feel free to share some input.  I speak in phrases,  kind of like a code. I’m not no special snowflake by any means, I’m just expressing. 

This isn’t everything, but it’s all for today I guess. Welcome. (Photo isn’t me or mine.  I’m not sure who to give credits too,  I picked and placed it here for relatable purposes. Will take it down if it causes any offense. )

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