• Not too bad a day. This morning was a rough one but then every morning is rough. So are the nights. Times when all I have to do is think and remember. Times like now.

    I was gonna take the bike out today but by […]

  • Well here we go again. She is going to NC and of course I can’t go. She is taking her sister and the kids. She says I went last time but I did not. Again it was her sister who went and maybe her boyfriend. Dammit […]

  • This frigging place is ridiculous. Doctors and social workers never come to you. They claim you see the doctor every day but in my experience you have to chase them down. Catch them in the hallway or go knock on […]

  • Off I go
    Into the nuthouse
    All because
    I was missing my spouse

    That’s not the whole story
    To be totally true
    I took all my pills
    When I was feeling blue

    I thought to myself
    I can’t live without her
    She’s […]

  • Dear God,

    It’s me again. I’m gonna try to stay in touch from now on.

    Well You know I screwed up again. Big time. Ended up in the crisis center, sgsin. Spent two long weeks there. But You did it again. When […]

  • Noah Body wrote a new post, dunno 3 weeks ago

    Where did I go wrong? Don’t tell me. I know. I’ve lost her for good. Forever.

    I created a fake Facebook account and checked out his profile.

    He is listed as in a relationship with my wife. There are […]

  • Dear Father above,

    We need to talk. It’s been too long.

    I’ve blamed You for turning Your back on me when it was I who turned his back on You. I felt like You’d abandoned me when it was in fact I who had […]

  • Now our roof is leaking badly in our home in North Carolina. Been lots of bad storms down there. Could be storm damage. If so maybe insurance will pay for it. If not I will need to sell my car in addition to the […]

  • Not doing well again tonight. Or still. Or whatever. Am I ever doing well? I long for death. I need a job. I need a bloody miracle. I need these fucking tears to stop. I need a drink. Or a joint. Or both.

    No. […]

  • This goddamn depression has to end. It is so deep. So very deep.

    Ascend among glittering stars
    Stare at life though the bars
    An anachronism is all you are
    Touting love, a song bizarre

  • A bad day. Very bad. Hard to take after a stress free week and a half in Alaska. Monstrous headache as stress levels have gone through the roof already. Stomach in knots so tight that I think I’m going to throw […]

  • Thank you for reading and for the hugs. There is nothing TO say.

  • Things finally came to a head on Saturday.

    Before her trip to Disneyworld with my daughter I had tried all weekend to get my wife to go out to eat with me. She kept coming up with excuses. She was camping with […]

  • I’ve lost my health insurance and so I’ve had to cut back on my meds to try and stretch them although I don’t see the point. They’ll run out soon enough and then I will go nuts. I can only hope they last until […]

  • Noah Body commented on the post, the end 2 months ago

    Someday I will simply vanish

  • We are beyond talking. She has a boyfriend. She tells him she loves him, She tells me it is over with him but I hear her say “I love you”. I cannot survive this. Seriously.

  • Hello darkness my old friend
    We are joined once again

    I screwed everything all up
    I know I did it in closeup

    She was giving me a chance
    Now I see it’s gone at a glance

    She whispers she loves him
    Tears […]

  • I fucked up big time. My wife was giving me a chance. A real chance. I didn’t realize it and made a post on Facebook that I should have made here. It was all about how uncomfortable I feel in our home in NC […]

  • And I am so glad to see you are still around. Don’t worry. I don’t know how to navigate this site either.

  • It is a relatively good day so far but then the day has just started so we’ll see where it goes from here. So far depression is very mild, there are no voices in my head and there are no tears. I am doing good so […]

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