Journal – Sept 6, 2019

I’ve been really, really god these past couple of weeks. Ever since the doc upped my risperidal intake to maximum I have been flying normal. Normalcy is not to be underrated when you’ve had the past few months that I have. They’ve seen intense paranoia, psychosis, unaccountable fits of rage, deepest darkest depression, the highest and most intense mania… and all sorts of madness. For a while there I could not go three days without a serious attack of something. Thank God for risperidal. Thank God for normalcy.

Things have been marginally better with my wife. She says I’ve been looking better than I have in years. (others have said the same thing so it must be true) We have grown somewhat closer. We just spent a week and a half down in North Carolina where I got to pretend to be a husband again. No sex mind you but all the other benefits of being a husband. Now we are back in the real world. The one where I rarely see her. The one where she spends weekends down the campground where I cannot go and where HE is. The one where she chooses to take her sister to NC over me. The one where I am nothing but another friend and not a husband. But that’s all right. At least I had the last week and a half. It was truly idyllic. Much more than I deserve.

I gave her one white, long stem rose and a card today. The rose was because she is as beautul as a rose. White because… well because we are not in a place where red would be appropriate. The card told her that I know she is going through a very rough time right now and that I am thinking of her and praying for her. It also reaffirmed that come what may I will always be here for her. All she needs to do is call me and I will drop everything and move heaven and earth to help her.

So that’s it in a nutshell. Gonna take my 72 Chevelle over to see my granddaughter and grandson play highschool football. If I can ever figure out how I will post some pics of my newest baby on here some day soon.

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