Journal oct 28 20

Weird thing happened to me today. We were out picking up our granddaughter, we being the wife or ex wife or whatever she is now. She was driving even though it is a rental that only I am on the contract to drive. When she dropped me off I said to be careful followed by I love you like I always do and she never responds to. Well today she did respond. She clearly said I love you too. Now I’m not gonna read more into that than is actually there but perhaps there is still some hope for us. I pray God please let it be so.

 

We still haven’t made settlement on the house. We’re going on 2 months that they’ve been unable to clear the tunnel. I say it is time to give it up, lose our 1000 dollar down payment and move on to a different house. This is HUD we’re dealing with and if they can’t provide a clean title then there’s something seriously wrong with the house”s title.

 

Depression has been terrible. I even saw the shadow people the other night. No signs of Dunno or Noah Body or the unnamed little girl though so the DID is being good. Panic attacks have been very bad too. Virtually every single day I have one or two. The medical marijuana does help to control them though. Better than the valium anyway.

 

Speaking of which my daughter made me some pot brownies night before last. They don”t get me stoned but they do calm me down and keep me calm for 5 or 6 hours. Again better than the valium did. So I have stopped the valium and the propanolol am together. The prop is mainly for blood pressure usually but I take it to control the twitches I get from the resperidal. Since the marijuana seems to do that fine then I do not need the prop at all anymore. I plan to try to get off the wellbutrin and mirtazapine next. One by one I will try to get off all of my pills. If the pot helps me to remain stable all well and good. If not then I will simply restart the last med I stopped.

 

Well be good and stay strong. Always face the world with a smile and never refuse a hug. Try for at least one good laugh per day. There is real magic in smiles and hugs and laughter.

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