Journal – May 7, 2018

She is going to NC next week without me again. She is taking her sister, again. I swear her sister gets to go more than I do and I paid for the home. We’re supposed to be moving down there. Gonna trailer the bikes down. But at this rate that will never happen because she will lose her get away if I am there with her all of the time. She says she has to get away from everyone, me included, but not ,of course, including her sister. I swear she hates me. My snoring keeps her up at night so I am going to sleep on the couch while she is here so that she can get some rest. She also says I toss and turn and that keeps her up too. I told her last night that if it was a problem to wake me up and I would go out on the couch. She says she tried to wake me up and all I did was ask her to move over since I was falling out of bed. Whatever. I don’t remember it so she did not succeed in waking me.

Depressions have been horrible. I am having panic attacks every morning and headaches just about every morning. I think I’ve been borderline dissociating again even though there have been no appearances a Dunn, Noahbody or the little girl to the best of my knowledge. At least I haven’t lost much time. A little bit here and there but not enough for it to be one of my alters. I also have not seen the shadow people in quite some time. So there is a plus side to every minus.

Haven’t ridden our bikes in a couple of days. Since moving back to Mary’s home we’ve had to put them in a storage facility because Mary does not have a garage. The down side of that is I can’t just get on the bike and go. Instead I need a ride to the storage place. With her mood today I dare not ask my wife for a ride. Hell, I dare not ask her to pick me up iced tea and smokes. I’ll have to go get them when and if she comes home. Either that or borrow Mary’s car when and if she comes home. Failing both of them I will have to walk to the closest store which is Heritages. Their iced tea isn’t as good as Wawa but if I’m on foot then Wawa is too far to walk. Time was I’d thumb it and count on getting a ride but no one picks up anyone these days. Sad to say. You rarely if ever see hitchhikers anymore.

So I am stuck home alone. Better get used to it. I see a lot of it in my future.

Be good, stay strong, always face the world with a smile and never refuse a hug. Try for at least one good hug/day. There is real life changing magic in smiles, hugs and laughter. Let it change yours.

2 thoughts on “Journal – May 7, 2018”

  1. ok….so ….my ex was a snorer. I truly almost went MAD! We were only into the first few months of living together and I almost lost my mind. I called my mom one night and she told me when he starts snoring to kick him and pretend I was sleeping. That will cause him to wake up and turn over and he will stop snoring long enough for me to fall asleep. And it worked a few times….but that was it. I would walk to the couch if he fell asleep before me. He always could fall into a deep sleep in a second. After I had our first son he moved to the couch because I slept with my baby and his snoring woke us both up.
    Truly…..I believe a couple can live in the same house but sleep in different bedrooms if one snores. Its not good when someone doesn’t get a good nights sleep. The whole household will start to feel the stress.

    As for time alone….or away….I think we all need that from time to time. Even just a day home alone can do wonders.
    Doesn’t mean there is no love….just means with children and work and family……we just need a break. And you need a break too. I would tell my ex to go spend the day at his Grandparents. I would sometimes just take the kids out for the whole day so he could just watch the game on tv and sleep. But he never wanted to go spend the day alone. He always wanted to be around me and I started to feel smothered.

    You should just call Uber next time to take you to the storage unit and just go for a ride. You should also just take off for a week and go to North Carolina by yourself. She needs to be fair and she needs a taste of her own medicine.
    You really should talk to her about your feelings.

    1. Thank you. I do see how snoring can be a pain and do recognize that sometimes different different beds or rooms are called for. That is why I have taken to sleeping on the couch. She usually wakes me sometime during the night and tells me to go to bed. I tell her I do not want to be the cause of her distress but she pooh poohs it and insists that I come to bed.

      As for the idea of going to NC, or anywhere, on my own I like that. I am going to really think about it and decide where I’d like to go. I think I might like Niagara Falls but I’ve been there quite a few times. I’d like the airport museum in Ohio but I understand that’s a good 12 hour ride from us. I’d doubt I am up to that. NC sounds like the ticket. Only 9 hours away so it’s a ride but not as long as the 12 hour one. One of these spring/summer/fall cycles I’m gonna leave on my bikes and just travel the country at random. Go wherever whenever I get there. That sounds like the ticket and it will definitely be a taste of her own medicine.

Leave a Reply