Journal – March 6, 2019

I’m doing all right today, all things considered. No tears. Only a mild depression. No insane thoughts. A bit jittery but that’s a daily thing. Also no headache for the first time in days. I didn’t sleep well last night but ethen I never do. I did sleep well the night before last however. But I woke with a killer headache so does that count? Dunno.

Been praying hard that we get back together again but I don’t see that happening. Not with her having a boyfriend and such. Now THAt thought is enough to bring me to the edge of tears. I try my best to be everything she said she wants yet it is never enough. She just doesn’t want me anymore. I have to learn to live with that. It is soooo hard to do. 40 years is a long time to be together just to lose each other now. It makes me wish I was dead.

Damn. Now I’ve got the waterworks going.

Not a lot going on here. Just the funeral for my uncle on Saturday. I really have to get back to the gym but today I need to do laundry. I no longer have a key to my son’s home since I gave him mine because he lost his so I have to see if my youngest daughter is doing laundry today and go over there to do my wash if she is not. I really don’t want to go over there since I will see that my wife is out, most likely with her boyfriend.

When we get paid again and do our Tuesday lunch I really have to ask again about her boyfriend. Tuesday lunches are supposed to be ask anything and get the truth times. I will ask her about her boyfriend and when she says yes ask her if she’s sleeping with him. I know she is of course but I need to know from her. Not really sure that I’m ready for the answer but this being in the dark is really killing me.

I’ve created a computer monster. My grandson wants nothing more than to play with my computer. He plays all the games and gets on Youtube. He especially likes Youtube. He uses my PC more than I do. When he’s not on the PC he wants to use my phone to get on Youtube. I do not allow that since I cannot watch what he’s doing then. I let him once before I realized it was a bad idea what with all of the predators out there and all. I heard there are videos that exhort kids to do bad things such as turn on the stove and the oven. He’s only 4 and too impressionable for that. It’s a crime that kids can’t have a place of their own without assholes ruining it.

Got to go over my mom’s today so she can go over my suit for the funeral. I’m going to be a pall bearer so I need to look my best.

I was just informed that I need to watch my two youngest grandkids while their mother gooes to the dentist. So much for my plans today. It’s nice to be needed but not when it interferes with my plans.

Well be good people. Stay strong. Always face the world with a smile even when it’s fake. Never refuse a hug and try for at least one good laugh per day. There is real magic in smiles and hugs and laughter.

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