Journal – March 3, 3019

It’s been 5 days since I’ve seen her. Yesterday was one of those don’t answer the phone days so I think she was with her boyfriend. It is killing me.

Tonight we have a concert to go to. Prokol Harum. She asked to take the car and I said yes. Well she came by and took the car without even calling to say she was here or coming up and knocking on the door (or not) and come on in. I called her to tell her about it and she says she hates coming in here for this reason or that. She’s a fucking liar and I know it. If she was telling the truth then she would have called me to let me know she was here and I would have went out to say hi. No. She’s avoiding me like she doesn’t want to see me or be seen with me. This fills my eyes with tears. It’s truly killing me. It’s got suicidal thoughts all going round and round and I have to fight to hold on. And she was by here this nmorning with her sister. They sat out front for a minute or two then left. I know, I saw them but I was making waffles for the kids. In the time it took me to toast 2 waffles, cute ’em up and put syrup on them then hand them to the kids they were gone. Without ever letting me or anyone else know they were here. I had expected them to come in. But no. Excuses, excuses. The very height of ignorance.

I am all torn up inside. My stomach is in knots. My hands are shaking and my knees are week. I had a hot flush wash over me. I am heart broken while at the same time outraged. What did I ever do to deserve this?

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