Journal – Feb 10, 2019

It’s not a bad day. Depression is light but still there. Despair is almost gone. But I am still lonely. Seems that’s how I live my life – lonely. No one wants anything to do with me. Even my sole real life friend doesn’t return my calls. I imagine they’ve sold their home by now so I don’t even know where to find them. Least of all does my wife want anything to do with me. All I have is Iris and I no longer talk to her every day. Facebook blows so that’s not an option.

Yesterday was a pretty fair day also. I had a decent workout at the gym. Last night I had to take the little ones to my son’s because my daughter was having a sex toys demonstration. What I wouldn’t give to know what my wife bought but that’s no longer my business. Nope. That’s between her and her boyfriend.

Have to do laundry today if I can find a ride so there will be no gym today. I’l have to start again tomorrow. My wife had said she wanted to start going to the gym with me this past Monday but I should have known better. When I asked her why she still wasn’t going yesterday she got very angry and essentially told me it was none of my business. OK. But I thought she said she was going to start going with me. I guess her disgust with me runs that deep.

My son is still suffering the effects of withdrawal. I can’t recall whjat he was addicted to but it started with S and was used to get off a percocet addiction. But it apparently is harder to break the addiction to it than it is percs or heroin or other opiates. It’s been 3 weeks he’s been off them and he is still suffering pain all over. Suboxin. That’s what it’s name is. It doesn’t get you high but does have a very real physical addiction.

Oh well people be good and stay strong. Always face the world with a smile. Never refuse a hug and try for at least one good laugh per day. There is real magic in smiles and hugs and laughter.

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