Flowing with the Rhythms of a Woman’s Desire: The Art of Loving and Respecting Another

Some women feel unseen and invisible.  They feel like their taking care of everybody else, but nobody is taking care of them.

Most women can barely get through the day, let alone find time for pleasure or intimacy.

Elizabeth Davis is an author, women’s health care specialist, educator, consultant, and Certified Professional Midwife (CPM). She is a resident of Sebastopol, California and a mother of three children.

Author Elizabeth Davis states that women of today are beyond busy. They precariously (love that word!) juggle the demands of work, their primary relationships, their children, their friendships as well as their personal needs.

In her book as seen above, she also highlights the additional duties included in a woman’s household.

  • Running errands
  • Paying bills
  • Purchasing groceries
  • Shopping for clothing for the family
  • Supervising household repairs
  • Cooking
  • Doing the Laundry
  • Helping with children’s home work

These are just a few of the many responsibilities in a home for a woman.

However, imagine also adding a full-time job to that ever-expanding list of responsibilities. I’m flustered just thinking about it. Lol!

Even if a woman is blessed to have a loving and supportive partner, it usually takes two wage earners to make it in today’s economy.

Equality

Equality, this is even more difficult in a society that may refuse to grant women equal rights and privileges to those of men.

It is therefore now extremely stressful and frustrating for women as the society has already precast their gender roles.

Men as a group have a higher pay scale, greater benefits, more travel and free-time  and more opportunities to play than women.

On the flip side, women’s role as “Servant to all” in our social structure is greatly evident in the institutions of marriage, education, health care, business and even religion.

For years we women have been taught to be the peacemakers, to soothe and heal the emotional problems of others to the exclusion of our own.

We are constantly being accused of being angry and reactive and let’s not forget “thin skinned”.

However, how many of you realize that our angry really stems from inequality, injustice, being overwork and maybe an unsupportive social structure?

For men, society is basically supportive and therefore they are not the target, but we women frequently are.

See my previous article:50 shades of Play: Happy Valentine’s day for other examples of unreported, malicious behaviors and what you can do about it.

Rape is a prime example of this as well as the promotion of violent pornography.

The stress of competing in a man’s world has led some women to adopt male characteristics almost to the exclusion of their own.  Women no longer want to be stereotyped as weak, indecisive and irrational.

The Estella Scott-Roberts Foundation was set up on 31 October 2008 by the husband (Rayle Roberts) of the late Estella Scott-Roberts.

He created the foundation with the intention that it will carry on her work of creating a country free from violence and the advancement and empowerment of women.

Mr. Roberts has requested that any initiatives being formulated by individuals or groups that are considering using Mrs. Scott-Roberts name or image in relation to their project to contact the foundation prior to finalizing any plans.

For more information on the foundation, call 938-6300, email: esrfoundation@gmail.com or mail correspondence to P.O. Box 84 Grand Cayman KY1-1501, Cayman Islands.

Becoming Lover’s not Fighters

I take great pride in being a lover and not a fighter. I also have great respect for the many  roles that men play in our society today.

It is my intention to remind my readers about the positive features of a woman and why God made us the way he did.

Let’s remember our sensitivity (which is so needed in our society today), our flexibility and our creativity to discern and chart our own course.

I strongly believe as a mature woman that it is time to reincorporate those feminine aspects back into our way of life, our approach to problem solving and our intimate relationships.

The Art of Loving Another

People are different. In practice however, we do not fully acknowledge that people are different from us. Instead we are bent upon changing one another.  We resent, resist, and reject each other’s differences.

We tend to demand that the people in our lives feel, think and behave as we do. When they react differently, we make them seem wrong or invalidate them. Many times we try to fix them when all they really need is understanding and nurturing.

What is Love?

Some people believe that love is only the acceptance and appreciation of a person only when they have fulfilled our expectations.  Some people also believe that love is the act of changing a person into what we want them to be rather than what they choose to become.

Is love caring for or trusting a person because they think and feel the way we do?

It may feel like love to the giver but not to the receiver.  Real love is unconditional.  It does not demand but affirms and values.

Unconditional love is not possible without the recognition and acceptance of our differences.  As long as we mistakenly believe that our loved ones are better off thinking, feeling and behaving the way we do, true love will always be obstructed.

Once we realize that not only are people different, but they are supposed to be that way, the obstacles to real love begins to fall away.

To love someone is to acknowledge the goodness  of who they are. Love is also a connecting feeling.  Love relates you to another. It says you are like a part of me. Love is an attitude that embraces another as one would embrace oneself.  It upholds, nurtures, and supports.

I strongly believe that whenever we are truly feeling loved, there will also emerge a selfless desire to serve the well-being of the loved one.

What is Love in the Bible? The Greatest Gift

1 Corinthians Chapter 13

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Unity in Diversity

According to author John Gray Ph.D., accepting our psychological differences frees us to experience an underlying oneness that permeates our relationships.

He believes in an abstract way, we are all the same. He also believes that in every spiritual teaching is an acknowledgement of that oneness.

Deep within we feel a spiritual oneness with our fellow humans. When we read of children suffering from hunger, we feel in our hearts the pain we would feel if they were our own children.

Dr. John Gray also believes that the quest to open the heart takes a variety of forms:

  • The path to enlightenment
  • The quest for God
  • The dream of a happy marriage
  • Finding one’s soulmate or
  • Creating a loving family

The Seeker of Enlightenment

The Seeker of Enlightenment is drawn to a teacher because the teacher embodies something within the student that the seeker is to realize. Through loving and understanding the teacher or the teaching can indirectly assist the seeker in loving and accepting those very qualities within themselves.

Gradually the seeker finds what they seek within their own being. In this way, they are inevitably drawn to that which they need to awaken within themselves.

Union with our Soulmates

Dr. John Gray also believes we may seek to find yet a deeper union with our soulmate, a special person with whom to share our lives, as if ordained by the heavens.

We are drawn to this person not because they are similar to us but because they are different.

He believes our soulmate embodies qualities and attributes that we unconsciously seek to find within ourselves.

Through loving this person, we begin to accept and awaken those same qualities hidden within our own beings.

This discovery of self brings us greater fulfillment.

Attraction: White and Sizzling Hot!

Intense attraction to someone is a sign that there are many differences to harmonize and many conflicts to resolve.

We are drawn to that which is different.  Therefore our challenge is to understand, accept and appreciate those differences.

Who we find ourselves attracted to is beyond our control. We can be sure we like a person, but when there is attraction; rest assure that there are lessons to learn and discoveries to be made!

Let’s talk about Men

His complexion

Fair, dark, ruddy, pale as the moon, dark as the night or caramel, men come in many shades and flavors that are appealing to various women.

Do not despise what someone else may celebrate!

His Hair

Now they all have different textures, lengths and colors of hair.

I  find it fascinating sometimes to watch a beautiful head of hair being set a fire by the sun’s morning light.

Sometimes their course textures are artfully designed and inspiring.

Or we may prefer the rich, silky waves that are tenderly groomed.

His Body

Let’s be real, we all have different parts of the body that we like. Me especially! My thing is to accentuate the positives and downplay the negatives.

He may be tall, short, pleasantly plump or athletically slender.  A man who is confident in himself knows how to work with his God-given package.

I find a confident man to be very attractive.  Almost irresistible.

He’s Enjoying Life

Everyone loves to see a parade. To go to a party. To share a joke or to just enjoy life.  Everyone wants to be a part of a celebration.

When a man enjoys life, it is the greatest way to attract interest.  From the simple pleasures to more complicated delights, a man who embraces opportunities and experiences that put a spark in his eye and a bounce in his step is intensely appealing.

Joy is irresistible! Everyone is always seeking more, and if you have a surplus to pour out, believe me, someone will come for a drink!

Joy speaks of more than the ability to amuse yourself.  It speaks of wholeness, confidence, a settled heart that is comfortable.

Sean John Combs (P. Diddy)

Puff Daddy, also known as ‘Diddy’ or ‘P. Diddy’ is a three time Grammy Award winning American rapper, record producer and entrepreneur. He is one of the biggest names in the American music industry, who has successfully carved out a niche for himself. Born in Harlem, New York, tragedy struck his family when he was still a child. He lost his father who was shot dead and was later raised by his single mother.
After dropping out from Howard University, where he was studying business, he later established the Bad Boy Records, a record label, which launched the careers of many successful artists in the music industry. After a series of successful productions, he came out with his debut album titled, ‘No Way Out’, which became a massive hit. With the success of his debut album, he reached the pinnacle of his music career and went on to produce more hit albums and also launch his own albums. Some of his albums include, ‘Forever’, ‘The Saga Continues.’, ‘Press Play’ and ‘Last Train to Paris’. He also owns a clothing line.

F.Y.I.(411)

P. Diddy’s birthday is on the 4th November

Joy acts like a magnet, drawing others to itself.  When a woman sees joy in a man’s eye’s, this is translated as promises or pleasures that have yet to be revealed.

Promises she will be determined to discover.

His Originality

Even though there are many men out there, they are all different.  The question is how do they stand out?

Everyone should embrace their originality, especially men.

There are unexplained  things that every woman likes in a  man, from the way he unconsciously  rakes his fingers through his hair, to the colorful and fun-loving socks he wears.

Why? Because his quirks make him unique. There is no one else like him, and every other man now seems boring in comparison.

His Willingness to Grow

Don’t expect perfection from him, we are all unfinished products.  It is the experiences in life and our interactions with others that cause us to grow and become better people.

Accepting a man for who he is, seeing his vast potential, and allowing him to grow into it is a rare gift that delights a man when he finds it.

Why? Most men are not really expecting this.  They have grown used to women and even the society judging them. Their judged by what they do and what they have acquired.

If he is already wealthy, they society might not be as supportive of his dreams of acquiring more wealth. Many may even be deceitfully envious.

If he is highly intelligent, they may not understand his continuous need to acquire more knowledge.

If he is a philanthropist, they may scrutinize and critize his motives for all his charitable deeds.

The bottom line is most men want to build a future filled with all the people and things they desire and a life they can share.

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