Well, I’ve managed to undo all my hard work with my friend with benefits… Josh. You see I was trying to play it cool, and it was working a treat! Josh was texting me, calling me…. It was all going so well….
Until we met up last night and I drank a bottle of rose on an empty stomach…. Why am I such an idiot!? I was chatting absolute crap, he wasn’t drunk in the slightest… I was not keeping my cards close to my chest at all… then I thought it would be a good idea to not get out of the car until he kissed me!
I wish I could rewind 24hrs. Following that I then text him and said I was sorry- he said it was fine, that I wasn’t an idiot…. told him I was crying (whyyyyy!!! Why did I do that!!!!) He laughed and said stop being silly….
I said he probably doesn’t want to see me again… he said stop being silly. And today I’ve lost track of the amount of times I have apologised. He keeps saying I don’t hate you, it’s fine, I told you last night it’s fine.
Maybe it’s the hangover but I am feeling needy and I don’t believe him. Sometimes he thinks I want more from him than just fwb…. I keep telling him I don’t.
He is one of my best friends but I also fancy the pants off him. I hate it when he says he feels like I want more… because I’m obviously not doing a very good job at playing it cool.
A bit worried that last night may cause him to think that again.
Argh why am I such an idiot. Wrapped up like a sausage in my bed where it’s safe desperately trying to keep the text convo going with Josh trying to gain more and more reassurance.
Realistically this isn’t going to happen though.
Damage control damage control….. Stop fucking texting him for a start!