Dreams and Reality

I’ve been having trouble sleeping and I know why. I’ve also been having strange dreams of unfinished business. The thing is that I’ll never have a chance to talk to that person. And I don’t even know what I would say. I checked on Facebook, they’re still together as far as Facebook says. I had a dream where he got cold feet and needed to talk to someone about it and no one was there. It’s not that I want to break them up or anything like that. I guess . . . I just wanted to tell him that he mattered to me for a long time. He was a friend I think. As far as two people who always were seated together because of the alphabet could be. I think maybe he was my first crush, before I even knew what that was. I cared about him. I tried to watch over him when he was bullied and left alone, and he watched over us when we played in the sand pit and was our “radio.” Kids, I suppose. We were just kids then. He has this whole other life now. I’m not surprised he ended up in music, in the schools. Apparently he’s in Massachusetts now.

And then there is this blond kid who I will never know. I don’t know how to get past this. I know now that moving away is the right thing to do. It could be me running away again, but . . . I don’t think so. It was meant to be temporary. I’m going to make him a birthday card and tell him that he is my friend and that I am proud of how far he’s come just even in the last 6 months. He’ll be okay. And I am so glad of that.

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