“Abuse”, the pretty frequently used word of the 21st century. You see extremely long paragraphs written by so many people, from the most famous celebrity to the least known individual on the planet. Child abuse, sexual abuse and harassment have been the hottest topics lately.
However, the most underestimated category is mental abuse.
In our society, one is accused of abusing in the blink of an eye, no second guessing required. Sexual abuse is the talk of the day, and has been since, as long as I can remember. But what about mental abuse? Every second individual faces that in their daily lives yet it is the least talked about.
Mental abuse is also not clearly understood. Anybody could be facing mental abuse, be it a 5 year old kid or an 80 year old man. It doesn’t come with limitations.
People often mistake mental abuse for depression. Mental abuse can lead to depression but it is vital to understand that depression behold a completely separate meaning.
We all are well aware of the mental abuse and stress faced by the adults: work, financial crisis, marriage issues, life and time management and what not.
This post however refers to the youth and the children. Mental abuse is widespread through common social evils such as bullying, discouragement etc.
All of these can be altered with time but what about the teachings given to you at home? Has anyone ever pondered over the fact that how parents have a vital role to play if their child is facing any sort of stress?
Negligence can always be destructive. Ignoring a child’s atrocious state of mind, mistreating them or misbehaving with them just to take your frustration out, can lead to disastrous effects. Misbehaving, when it comes to parents, is very questionable. Because according to the stereotypical phantasm; it’s the child who misbehaves. Parents are always considered the ones teaching good things- this is solely true nonetheless- but that’s only when they are “literally” teaching and “specifically” giving their children life lessons. In spite of that has any one not noticed that children uptake more from daily routines than from the specific lessons given to them?
Another point is when you don’t take your kids (infant to teenagers) seriously. You laugh off at every thing they consider important or distressing to them. Yes, maybe it is obsolete and funny for your age but do you realize how badly it can effect your child? Think of it as; they consider you the only person they can look up to, the only ones they thought could ever help them, the only ones they trusted even before they got to know what trust is and when they turn to you for help you laugh it off and tell them to let it go. Or worse, you pretend to consider it a very serious issue and console them greatly, but once they are out of sight, you tell your friends or other family members about how your child was worried about something stupid.
EVERY single parent does that. Discussing the do’s and dont’s of their children is like some essential topic of every meeting and phone call. Do you realize how discouraging that is for a child who doesn’t even understand the idea of world yet? Do you not realize how much you are demoralizing your children?
First, you demoralize them, make them lose their confidence and then later on in life expect them to be bold and confident and face the harsh realities of life firmly. Isn’t this manipulation? Stop manipulating your children! You have always heard: “actions speak louder than words”; it becomes evident that what you preach doesn’t have even half the impact if you don’t practice it. So, on one hand you degrade them when in their early years they have looked upon you and on the other hand, in their recent years you want them to open up to you. Ask yourself ‘Is that fair?’ How do you expect your children to tell you anything when you say “I’m your mother/father, you can share whatever, its all safe with me” whilst throughout their life they have witnessed the exact opposite?
You are confusing the minds of your children beyond repair! You might not realize but all of these contradicting statements from the same source messes up their brains massively. Moreover, instead of understanding you give them the ‘You are a disappointment’ clause. Please! You have no idea! As far as I have known every second child has the same story to tell. And they can’t say anything to you because we all know what happened when in the past they came crying to you about how they got stuck somewhere or how someone broke their favorite pencil? You Laughed and tattletaled!
This in itself is mental abuse that is never talked about. Never forget, respect is a two way road and the carriages on it work on the phenomenon of give and take.
My pledge to all is that stop blaming the recent generations. The fault is not in the upcoming generations. The fault is in their brought up and this faulty characterization will continue like a chain reaction if parents consider themselves perfect or way more experienced than their children. This is no competition. There can never be a competition between parents and their progeny. Parents are way more experienced so don’t be insecure about it. You don’t have to remind your children about it time and again. You know it. the world knows it. But there is a certain way of narration. It takes long in knowing things and one does not understand till experienced. You gained experience through your own trial and error and they deserve to experience their own trials and failures. That is how they’ll learn. That is how everyone learns!