I’m going to be told that I messed up, I know.

And the only reason I have to give them, isn’t a valid one. Responsible adults are supposed to get things done no matter how they are feeling. I hate this.

He made a point. “They’re going to see AmeriCorps on your resume and be all excited and then they’ll call and they’ll tell them, ‘she’s late all the time and can’t get things done on time and etc.”

He’s not wrong.

I know this job isn’t for me, but . . . I don’t know. I am beginning to feel like I am always watched because I’m always messing up. That’s why the cat coming back was so good. It was going to be just another thing I couldn’t do right.

And this whole money thing makes me feel like I can’t even do the good part of the job. I want to have a end-of-year party for all my matches, maybe bring pizza or ice-cream or something, but I don’t know if that’s in the budget . . .

I’m basically going to have to work 50+ hours every week until the end, and I know I am going to be essentially told that they don’t know if they can trust me to get things prepared for the other events. So I don’t know if I can do the events that would then help me make up those 50 hours.

He’s right. I won’t be getting a good reference from them. I know these are not my people and this is definitely not my kind of job. It just sucks.

I should have . . . shoulda, coulda, woulda. I guess it wasn’t all bad though. I have learned a lot. I need to get out of here though. Away from . . . everything.

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